What Manner of Love is This ?

“God love each of us as if there were only one of us” – Augustine

What manner of a love is this? That a King, in all His power, in all His majesty, in all His glory, in all His splendor…would choose to express His limitless love by giving His life for us.

When He came on earth, He didn’t walk around wearing royal robes and a crown of gold with jewels though He could have, seeing that He is King. Instead, the book of Isaiah chapter 53, calls Him the Sin-Bearing Servant. He chose to serve us in love by being mocked, stricken, bruised and wounded for our iniquities. What manner of Love is this?

Wearing a crown of thorns which pierced His head yet He did not open His mouth Isaiah 53:7. When He was being hung on the cross, He could’ve changed His mind, instead His mind was full of you and me. What manner of Love is this? When He opened  His mouth uttering, “Father forgive them…” Luke 23:34. He cried out in love for me and you.

1 John 3:1 NKJV Behold what manner of Love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God.

Today as we observe Good Friday, indeed it is in an unusual manner. However, let us look beyond the circumstances for the are temporary. Instead let us keep the meaning of the Cross. Let us talk about it. Let us encourage each other with it. Let us engrave it in our hearts not just today but all the days of our lives. The message is this, Jesus Christ the King of Kings and Lord of Lords loves you and me. There is nothing we can ever do to make Him subtract and love us less also, there is nothing we can ever do that will make Him love us more. His love is complete.

Love and Light💞🙌🏽

First Sunday… Without Church

Imagine my shock when I was going about my business under the comfort of my rock, to find the world going through a global epidermic due to the Covid-19 virus. People running aimlessly in a state of panic seeking refuge.

A disclaimer before I go any further, I am a Born-again Christian. I am Saved, Sanctified, Baptized filled with the Spirit of The Living God. I believe that Jesus Christ is the Lord and Saviour.

When the virus had not yet been detected in a person who was physically in this country, we as Believers didn’t say much. We said what we usually say, “we are with them (the affected) in Spirit. However before we could shout hallelujah, the corona virus was no longer just there in China and Italy. Confirmed cases of people infected in South Africa were announced. The number of individuals contracting the virus was and still is rising at an alarming rate.

Panic rose, false news spread just as quickly as the virus itself. We as Believers said nothing and did nothing. Then on Sunday, the 15th of March, the President addressed the matter. The full speech https://www.gov.za/speeches/statement-president-cyril-ramaphosa-measures-combat-covid-19-epidemic-15-mar-2020-0000

One of the statements Mr Ramaphosa made was that precautionary measures had to be adhered to in order to minimize the spread of the virus. One of those was to suspend all gatherings of large number of people.

Gatherings in large numbers include but are not limited to soccer or sport matches at stadiums. How did we as Believers respond? ‘That’s their problem, it doesn’t affect us.’ That is what our silence spoke.

Day-cares, schools and all institutions of higher learning were closing as a matter of urgency until after the Easter holidays. How did we as Believers respond? ‘It’s their problem, it doesn’t really affect us.’ Once again, that is what our silence spoke.

Then suddenly (let’s go to church now, everyone say suddenly) the Church was affected.       Going to + church + on Sunday = Gathering

How can we think we are just affected because of church and Sunday? How can the effects of the Covid 19 virus not be our problem when many businesses and companies can no longer render their services which affect their livelihood and the economy at large? How can it not be our problem when Grade 12 students have been left on the lurch and exams are in a few months? How can it not be our problem when some families rely on the school feeding scheme for their children to get a meal? The effects of this pandemic need Believers to be more than people who put on their Sunday best and sing hymns. We can no longer just sit in the comfort of our church pews and not affect and make an impact in our communities, our nation.

Believers were now making all the noise! “That is an infringement of our human right, to exercise our freedom of Religion.” The Bible in Hebrews 10:25 says do not forsake the assembling (gathering) of the saints. Some Pastors and Church Denominations announced throughout the week that Church gatherings were suspended until further notice. We spoke up but only because we were now affected.

I was intrigued at the mixed responses. I imagined that if it were possible, we would have made a call to all Believers to come together and toyi toyi or have a peaceful march to the Union Buildings or Parliament and make our grievances known but as we all know, that is classified as a gathering at the moment.

We as Believers seem to have limited God or our faith to a building, an establishment, a tent. We cannot claim to have a relationship with God but have terms and conditions. The biggest one being to access God through a person be it a Pastor/Preacher/ Reverend/ Teacher who must stand by the pulpit. Moreover, we seem to have limited Him to a specific day of the week. We go about our busy lives and slot Him in one out of seven days. Yes church gatherings are essential but that is not the only way to call upon the Lord.

Have we forgotten that God lives inside us? Have we forgotten that we are the ambassadors of God? Have we forgotten that we have been given power and authority? Have we forgotten that we are the Church?

The F*Word

“Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate, and to humble.” Yehuda Berg

As much as your reaction to the title of this post delights me, your horror and utter disbelief, you cherished reader, have just proven my point! Words are loaded and have the ability to create, based on our belief, knowledge and experience.

Let’s take a brief look at the term the F*Word. I promise I won’t be like those speakers at funerals who begin their speeches with, “I’ll be brief…” As soon as I hear those words, I assume the worst. That’s the power of words. The F*Word was first recorded in 1598 in the [John Florio’s A World’s of Wordes, London: Arnold Hatfield for Edw. Blount] dictionary. It is derived from the Latin word fuuere and Old German ficken meaning to struck. There was nothing vulgar about the word initially but over time, it evolved and has since been banned from the dictionary. If the F*Word could speak, I imagine it would say, “I’ve been around for a long time but along the way I was misused and made to feel cheap. I was then associated with indecent behaviour and later I was tossed in the trash as though I was rubbish.”

However, the F*Word which I’m referring to is not that one. There are thousands upon thousands of words that begin with the letter F. To date, there are twenty nine thousand, five hundred and fifty six words (29 556) and counting. Moreover, new words are officially added in the dictionary every quarter!

Remember I spoke briefly about funerals earlier, weddings on the other hand are the complete opposite. One of my highlights at weddings are the vows and speeches. Words have always fascinated me. A double lesson of English class at school for me was like having an all access pass to go behind the scenes and be with the cast and crew of the most popular TV show. Like being in the locker room of your favourite sports team, moments before they play their final match! The anticipation, the thrill of it all. Its the same feeling before I read a book.

So this year, I’ll begin with frequently posting a series titled the F*Word focusing on different words beginning with the letter F. Out of 26 letters of the alphabet why choose F? Allow me to answer using words a few F*Words. Is the current generation living a façade, fearing the future and fleeing to Facebook? Do we favour friends and forget our family? I spy with my little eye something beginning with the letter F@%&#*.

Feel free to suggest words or phrases you have in mind which we can look at and discuss.

Until next time, when I reemerge from from under my rock.

First Sunday

#NewYear#

Today is the First Sunday of the year. People who don’t necessarily believe in God or a Higher Power believe in the power of The First Sunday of The Year. Different churches and establishments filled to capacity as people gathered together for various reasons.

One of the reasons is for atonement. To erase and do away with the mishaps which took place in December. Mind you, December is constructed in a completely different way to other months with its own rules and regulations. Everything no matter how ordinary just displays an element of extra and being over the top. Even time seems to comply and work differently in Dezemba as it affectionately known in our parts of the world. Dezemba just feels way too short and seems to end way too soon.

You do know that this is thee only month in the calendar that exceeds 31 days right? There is the 32nd, the 33rd and the last day is the day before The First Sunday of the year. Put simply, yesterday was the 35th of Dezemba! The year can be either the new year 2020 or the previous year, 2019 whatever suits the individual or situation.

The other reason which make people gather at churches and different establishments, is optimism. Generally people are drawn to all things new. The excitement and hope that one puts in a new day, a new week, a new month, a new year and in this instance, a new decade or even a new or latest phone is astonishing. The idea of beginning afresh. Perhaps this is the reason for the new clothes that come with The First Sunday. The same way parents buy new clothes for their children (some for themselves as well) to wear on Christmas day, the same honour and respect is given to The First Sunday. This also means feasting on lunch. While the rules are not as stringent as they are regarding the Christmas day feast, a meal is expected nonetheless. Most people opting to keep to Sunday’s seven colours standards.

Perhaps some people believe that if they conform to the The First Sunday and all its standards, surely goodness and mercy shall follow them all the days of the year (well just until the end of November to make way for Dezemba! For ever and ever.

Or maybe you’re like me and never given it much thought until recently, “Do I want to partake in the festivities of The First Sunday?” If not, that’s okay. Festivities are personal and I should work out my own festivities. “Do I do what I do on The First Sunday just because this is how my mother has always done it? Just because her mother’s mother did it this way? And her mother before her also did it like this?” Fact is today is the first Sunday of a new month, in a new year and that comes once a year!

Global Citizen

Let me start off with a disclaimer: Before we hosted the 2010 Soccer World Cup, my knowledge about the sport was very minimum. The handful number of players from the National team that I did know, was as a result of their activities outside the soccer field which landed them on tabloids magazines. Let me put it this way, if you had asked me about soccer then, I would have added the song Shibobo by TKZee featuring Benni McCarthy just to score much needed points on the topic.

While I learnt about the game, I joined in with the rest of the country, I flew the South African flag and wore my soccer jersey proudly. You could feel the camaraderie in the air which transcended across race, gender or even age. The Soccer World Cup belonged to all South Africans and all who live in it, see how I just echoed the Preamble of the Freedom Charter there?

In 2018, Mzansi is at it again. The world is coming to our shores on the 02nd November which is exactly a week from today. The Motsepe Foundation is presenting and hosting the Global Citizen Festival: Mandela 100. The mission of the Global Citizens (all stakeholders i.e. individuals, private and public companies and other legal entities) to unite and end Hunger and Poverty. “For everyone to have human rights simply because they are human,” United Nations Population Fund. Furthermore, to create policies which afford Finance and Innovative programmes in all parts of the world. For Girls and Women not to be disadvantaged because of their gender. Citizenship is also high on their list of priorities along with access to Health care; hygienic Water and Sanitation and a safe and clean Environment.

What is the significance of this international event being hosted in South Africa this year? This year marks Nelson Mandela’s Centenary. “I am pleased to lend my support to the Global Citizens Festival: Mandela 100, in celebration with Madiba’s rich legacy of social justice, compassion and activism. Each one of us must take inspiration from his fight for equality by being the generation to end extreme poverty. We must ensure that no child or adolescent die from preventable causes, including hunger and malnutrition. I call on the world leaders, civil society organizations, business leaders and change agents everywhere to join the Sustainable Development Goals.” Graça Machel.

While we applaud all the influential celebrities both local and international from musicians such as Cassper Nyovest to Beyoncé, JayZee, world Oprah Winfrey, Naomi Campbell and Trevor Noah, the call is for all to be change makers. Lend your voice and be heard because it cannot be done without the collective.

In Letters to My Daughter: Dr. Maya Angelou describes a philanthropist by breaking the word down into two Greek words, philo –lover of; and anthro – mankind so philanthropists are lovers of humanity. Is that not who you are? When you love, you give and giving is not only in the form of money but rather giving of your time and even your voice. Nelson Mandela was conscious of the fight he had to embark on, in his lifetime. Now I ask each of us, what is our fight? The good fight that we have a responsibility to participate in?

There are countless ways you can be involved. You can bring a change in the lives of girls who stay home and miss school because they cannot afford sanitary pads. You can hold world leader accountable by signing relevant petitions and sharing videos on Twitter, see the Global Citizens page https://www.globalcitizen.org

Perhaps I’m preaching to the choir, perhaps you’ve long been doing your part. Just like in 2010, you were were wearing your yellow soccer jersey and blowing your vuvuzela long before the spotlight was upon our beloved Mzansi. In the same Letter, Dr. Angelou says, “I am encouraged to write on because from time to time, the choir does need to be uplifted and thanked for its commitment. Those voices need to be encouraged to sing again and again, with even more emotion.” To those who have yet to begin, now you know better, so let’s better.

House guests, how far do you let them in?

#Holiday vibes#, #personal space#

You don’t just become a guest in someone’s home because you knocked on the door. A guest is a person you invite to your home, to a party or special event. That’s not my interpretation, its from the Dictionary. A visitor is described as a person who goes to see another person or place for a short time, again that’s not me. This means the two words are not synonyms of each other, there is a difference.

With the holiday season fast approaching, there are many festivities which will be held in various places. From weddings, to company’s year-end functions all the way to informal gatherings like a braai at a person’s home. However, you can’t just show up because you know the address. Yes, ’tis the season to be jolly fa la la la but that does not permit you to just show up. No matter what day of the year. Wait for an invitation or better yet, make prior arrangements and inform the person you wish to visit.

You might say, “Where’s your sense of Ubuntu? That is not how we were raised.” Oh trust me, I was raised decent, that’s why I say, “Come in” and open the door.

Do you go to a wedding without being invited? Do you know that knowing the person who’s hosting does not warrant you to attend, whatever the event. Or do you stop talking to someone because they haven’t invited you to their new home which they moved into early this year? Really

My father, uMzali, believed that a visitor ought to gladly accept whatever was being offered. When buying groceries, he bought coffee (which no one drank at home) and a few boxes of tennis biscuits especially for visitors. My mother on the other hand, had a completely different view. To her, the very act of a person coming into their home deserved the best treatment, forget the logistics.

Not according yo Mzali and it didn’t matter whether you were family, a friend or even part of the in-laws, if you hadn’t told anyone you were coming, kindly enjoy the tennis biscuits and don’t overstay your welcome. My mother often baked cookies telling us they were for visitors but they never lasted more than a couple of days. As the children, we waited impatiently until Mzali got home. The smell of home baked cookies would greet him and he would ask my mother for just a few, to taste. Then we’d ask him for a taste. Cookies for visitors?

When we were expecting guests however, Mzali was the most welcoming host. He would agree with my mother to prepare the cookies and that was just the starter. The duration of the visit and all other logistics had been agreed upon. The person was coming because he wanted and agreed for them to come. He would even plan an excursion so that the guest would have a memorable time with us.

The irony about visitors is that they can be so demanding. Asking for fresh milk instead of powder, cool drink instead of juice or hot sauce instead of tomato sauce. When in reality, they should politely accept or decline (preferably before we set up those glasses that are reserved especially for visitors and guests).

If it acceptable that when you enter any establishment which is for public use, there are terms and conditions one must adhere to. For example, the mall, closes at a certain time. Unless you are in the designated areas such as the food court or cinema, if you are found anywhere else after hours, you can be asked to leave because you’re trespassing. However, when it comes to our own homes, people do not accept it when you choose to exercise your right to be welcoming and to what extent. You might ask me, how do I handle visitors and guests? I am my father’s daughter. Right of admission is reserved. Don’t just show up.

It has been declared spring cleaning day

#TheBeautyofBeingBlack#

Let’s be honest if you’re a South African black child, growing up, you’ve been privy to witness your home undergoing an extreme makeover. I’m talking about that day when all the household blankets and bedding are washed even the ones you were snuggling under just moments before. Talk about a rude awakening and that’s just the beginning!

Next are the curtains. Seeing each and every curtain drop to the floor or even worse, being told to do that task. Subsequently, leaving the dirty windows exposed so its very clear to you that those too, need to be washed. Then you have to put up (literally), a different set of curtains and bedding.

Never mind what you had planned, the authorities (Mother, Gogo, Aunt, Older Sibling) over your life have declared it spring cleaning day! It was immaterial that there was a Helper who was paid to keep the house clean, you had to be involved in the execution of this mission. It didn’t even have to be at your own home. You could be visiting your Gogo’s house or ka Mam’mkhulu and find yourself in this predicament. Your consent was never required but best believe, you were expected to be an active participant.

Back to the bedroom. You have to face your wardrobe. All that shoving of your clothes finally catches up with you because now you have to take everything out, hang what needs to be hung, fold every T-shirt and put your socks in matching pairs. Oh wait, the washing machine really didn’t eat your sock, it was in this pile of clothes all along. The advantage is finding that piece of clothing that you absolutely love and thought had gone AWOL. The disadvantage though, is that you can’t share your joy because you’ll be exposing yourself.

Then there’s the sitting room, that’s what the living room is referred to, which housed the gigantic room divider. That’s where the television, the glasses and a collection of brasso (named after the liquid polish used to make it shine) were displayed. You were forbidden to use these glasses because they were reserved for special occasions or visitors.

Let’s head to the kitchen. If your fortunate, the fridge was “defrosted” and cleaned a day before or so. If not, remember that needs to be attended too as well. You had to tackle the cupboards. Taking out all the contents before thoroughly cleaning the inside. If your Gogo is like mine, you’ll find a lot of empty mayonnaise and peanut butter glass jars inside. “It goes without saying…” says the Master Cleaner who’s been following you around the house telling you what to do and how to do it, “…that the outside of the cupboards must be wiped clean as well.”

Don’t forget to clean out that space in the house designated for newspapers and magazines. There was no clear direction as to what ought to be done here. Keep, burn, throw away in the dustbin, or can I finally cut out the pictures of the beautiful houses, clothes and food for my house book?

During the cleaning, it’s best you don’t complain or ask too many questions. For example, if you complain about the intensity of the workload, you were told how your generation has it far much easier than they did. “Why do we have to do all this cleaning?” I asked. “We’re preparing for the December holidays and we’ll be having visitors.” I was told. “Who’s coming?” now curious as ever. “We don’t know yet but visitors will always pass by especially at this time of the year.” All this effort, for someone who you don’t even know?

Mzali….no ordinary father

There was absolutely nothing ordinary about my father. We all called him Mzali from the word umzali meaning parent. When I say all, I mean over and above his fifteen children. It wasn’t enough that I had to share him with fourteen other children but he was parent of the nation. From our family members at large, to our friends, to his friends’ children. Let’s just say he was uMzali to the general population.

In hindsight, I still don’t understand how he gave us the lifestyle that we had. We lived well and went to great schools. Most importantly, he had time for us and built solid relationships with each of us. I know you’re asking how so let me break it down for you. He had four children from previous relationships. Then he had two wives. Five children from his first wife and two children from his second wife, my mother. Moreover, he had two children from his Miss Lady then the other two each have their own mothers.

When the reality show uThando Nes’thembu premiered on television last year, most of my friends said they were finally going to understand how I grew up. In reality, that is not a depiction of my family but the Mseleku’s. They have their own dynamics, some even I can’t relate to. I come from the Mkhwanazi family and the way Mzali ran things was different.

Throughout his life, Mzali had various businesses. He was what we now call an entrepreneur. When I was growing up, he was running a supermarket (which he referred to as the spaza shop). Situated right inside the busiest taxi rank in Tembisa. It was our family headquarters, the common ground. The place he spent most his time. He didn’t subscribe to the notion of having a cellphone and even though there was a landline at the shop he preferred face to face encounters. The shop was open not just for business but that was our other home. So you could say I grew up at the taxi rank.

Each day promptly at 6am, he personally opened the doors regardless whether it was a weekday, weekend or even a public holiday and closed at 8pm.We had to work at the shop. Not always, perhaps two Saturdays a month. Imagine being woken up at 4 am on a Saturday. Back then we were kids and did not appreciate the lesson. Well, I know I didn’t but my older brother Thulani, loved it.

Mzali took time to know our individual preferences as his children and made sure we each had time to fully enjoy doing what we loved. The only condition was that we had to do whatever activity together as siblings. You must be mindful that some of my eldest siblings were in University and no longer living at home. Depending on the excursions of the day, it would be a delight to others and dreadful to the rest.

One of my favourite things to do with Mzali was to read. Each morning, he bought all the newspapers. During the weekend, we each had a turn to read out loud for him. Mzali also insisted that we were a part of the community library in Edenvale. The rest of my siblings begged and pleaded to go anywhere else. For me, we were going to my happy place.

My younger sister Gugu, child number 13, loved the outdoors which meant we also went swimming and to the park. You might be wondering what type of car Mzali drove to accommodate all of us. He drove a van which he said was convenient for his line of work. In the 1990’s, if you ever saw a red van with a lot of kids at the back, chances are that was Mzali with his tribe.

Like a typical parent, Mzali embarrassed us more times than I care to remember. When puberty began, I went with him to buy my first training bra. Feeling extremely self-conscious about walking around the underwear department with my father, he took out a bra from the rails held it up and started educating me about the difference between an A and B cup size! Then he asked the sales lady to measure my bust. That’s not the worst of it. On another shopping expedition with Gugu this time, when it was time for him to pay, he put a big money bag filled with just R2 coins on the counter. To our shock (not just my sister and I but the cashier’s as well) he began counting the coins in rows of R50. Can you imagine, we were at Woolworths! We wanted to die as he kept pointing at us telling all those waiting in queue that he just had a small spaza shop and just wanted to buy clothes for his girls. We didn’t say a word all the way home while he was very pleased with himself! On another occasion, Gugu and I went out partying at night during the December holidays. The next day after giving us a lecture about wanting the best for us, he then took us to his barber and told him to cut our hair He didn’t even give us a chance to unplait. Just like that it was goodbye December holiday plans because we had to say goodbye to our hairstyles.

Recently, we had a huge family gathering of all the Mkhwanazi family members who are now living all over the country. For some, it was the first times meeting them. We were told how we are all related and shown the family tree. I heard countless stories from different individuals much older than I about how Mzali had helped them apply to school when they first relocated to Johannesburg.

Mhambi Alfred Mkhwanazi known as Mzali, a man who lived large. Who worked hard and played even harder. Thank you for not just telling us but embodying what a father is. Thank you for the lessons and for the love. I am simply because you once lived. May you rest in eternal peace.

Does Father Christmas celebrate Father’s Day?

It’s that time of the year when fathers are in the spotlight. A time where children young and old celebrate the amazing men who not only gave them life but play a pivotal role in their lives. Moreover, there are those extraordinary men who fulfill this role regardless of the DNA between them and the child. To all these men, I salute you and say Happy Father’s day.

Then there is the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, the Leprechaun and Santa Clause or Father Christmas as he is commonly known in South Africa who only make guest appearances. They are rare to locate outside their common appearance stints. Their PR teams are on point, keeping them trending by using the last appearance that they made and also creating hype for the upcoming show when they will be making another grand appearance. Someone else falls in this category of mythical creatures. He also has world class tricks, costumes and props. Have you figured him out yet? No, not a magician, I’m talking about an absent father. The one who only sees his child a handful number of times each year especially around the festive season. He looks great on paper but in reality, he has no real substance.

Have you ever wondered where the Tooth Fairy lives and what he does when he’s not collecting children’s teeth? We can ask the same question about the father who shows up during school holidays, if that. Where is he the entire year? Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt, perhaps he does show up a few weekends in a year. Oh but please let’s get a few facts straight, there is a mammoth difference between what’s on the “To do list” during normal weekdays and what happens during school holidays. Don’t get stuck on the “To do list” phrase, it may or may not be written down but take my word for it, its there. For instance, the child needs be awake at a certain time, dressed, fed and ready to go to school. There may be extra mural activities and prior arrangements need to be made (packing the correct gear), there’s homework, supper, bath time and you still need to be mindful of having conversations with the child about what’s going on in her life and what’s on her mind. Then you must see to it that the child is asleep at a reasonable time so that the “To do list” can be ticked off all over again tomorrow.

It’s a commitment. Choosing to spend time with your child only during school holidays does not make you a parent but merely a glorified baby sitter. During school holidays there is no set sleeping time, there are no tests to prepare for or even that Natural Science Solar System project to help with. Not to mention lunch box meals to prepare which are an indication of what your child prefers, “Last week my child loved tuna and mayo sandwiches but yesterday she brought back her lunch box with the very same thing, untouched!” says one parent.

An absent father believes that contributing X amount for child support each month, makes him part of his child’s life. He may even produce proof of SMS notifications or monthly bank statements of regular payments that go towards his child’s upbringing. That’s commendable however, don’t park there and give yourself too much credit. There are some families who get the Child Support Grant from the government (SASSA), does that make SASSA a parent? An active father cannot quantify in rands how much is spent on a child. No parent can. There is so much more to be done than sending money. Your child needs more than just your money and can certainly do without your excuses.

Perhaps I need to define what an absent father is as opposed to an active father. It is not always possible to live with your child as there are different factors that affect the family dynamics. The parents may be divorced, separated, were never together as a couple in the first place or living in different area codes. However, an active father is committed to fulfilling his responsibilities regardless of whether he and his child share the same physical address. He takes care of his child’s complete well-being. In simple terms he is in his child’s life and not just a guest who appears from time to time asking to see the school report at the end of the term.

The term “co-parenting” is being thrown around these days. This is a concept which requires the two parents involved to work together to ensure all parental obligations are fulfilled regardless of who is currently living with the child on a daily basis. It’s not about the failed relationship between the two but about the human being that you are both responsible for. In parenting one cannot want to participate only when the conditions are favourable. Also, you cannot relinquish your responsibilities as and when it suits you. Furthermore, it is most unfortunate when one parent has to enforce the law on the absent one. However, it may be the only alternative left for the parent left to bear the burden alone.

Father Christmas may show up bearing extravagant gifts and toys. Your child may still be impressed with the glittering trimmings as well as the over the top gestures while they are young and impressionable but keep in mind daddy dearest that your child is growing up. I am yet to hear someone say, “It’s Father’s day, we need to buy a gift for Father Christmas and tell him how much we appreciate him for all the gifts.” The day will come when your child realises for themselves that Christmas comes but once a year.

Technology never loved me

If Technology had a gender, my bet is that, it’s a man. You know that guy from your neighborhood, the one you’ve known all your life? He’s older than you so you never really paid any mind to him but he has always been there. He’s that guy who is friends with your older brother or your older cousin. He literally had a front row seat at watching you grow up. He’s there at all the family gatherings, weddings, funerals and birthday parties. You don’t notice him but he’s been watching your every move since the days you would come home dusty from playing in the streets.

He’s the first one to tell you, “I see you’re growing up…you’re not a little girl anymore…” as he emerges from the background when you start wearing a training bra and putting on lip gloss. From then on he makes you cognisant of his presence, that he is everywhere. He takes note of your transformation from girl child to a young woman. Ever so subtly, he begins to lure you into his world. Showing you in high definition how your life will be better with him in it. Everyone sees him as harmless and you even catch him having a moment with your mother and aunt. Without raising alarm bells, he introduces you to his world. It’s inevitable, he says, in end you will become his. He will capture you.

I was probably in Grade 6 when I started hearing the buzz words ‘world wide web’ and ‘internet’. Then when I started high school, some of my friends had mobile phones or what we call cellphones. I couldn’t be bothered at that time. According to me, I was reachable on the landline at home and I could reach whoever I needed to, using a pay phone. Each month, my father bought my sister and I Telkom cards for R20 each and was always willing to top us up should the need arise. Besides, what could be so important that it couldn’t wait until we spoke face to face?

Using advertisements through billboards, television, print and radio, Technology was constantly selling himself. He said that I was being left behind. That while I was waiting in the queue to make a telephone call, life was moving on without me. He said I was missing out on the mode of communication that was available at my finger tips. He convinced me that soon everyone would forget about me while I stayed behind under my rock. I didn’t want that to happen so I asked my parents to buy me a cellphone, I got a Nokia 3310, baby blue in colour. In my blissful state, I was ignorant to the fact that my peers were no longer texting via SMS. Technology had upped his game and introduced the playground of Mxit, where everyone played.

Words as we knew them became deconstructed and taken apart. My love for languages did not let me conform and once again, I was left behind. My friends told me that texting via SMS was outdated and took too long. I didn’t care, there was no way I was going to write a sentence with no Capital Letter, no full stop and mix numerical numbers with letters, “hy u knw i cnt w8 2 cu l8r xoxo…” No way!

Fast forward, yet another playground was upon us. Thanks to Mark Zuckerburg, who created Facebook, even adults wanted to play. The world wide web was growing rapidly. You could connect and stay in touch with friends and loved ones regardless of where they are in the world by tagging, poking and liking their posts and photos. Even the corporate world was not exempt from moving with the times. Relying on the post office was fast becoming a thing of the past. Sending letters was now being done via e-mail and could be sent to more than one recipient, instantaneously. Best of all, it limited the risks of the mail taking too long to arrive or even worse, it never arrives to the sender at all.

Technology is no longer being subtle, he is relentless in making everyone a part of the world he has created. It’s no longer just a playground but he has created an entire world through applications (Apps) like Google. This is where Technology shows off insisting that he knows it all just ask him, Google it. It has become a norm to see people sitting together but not communicating with each other because they are either online chatting to other people or checking in or updating their statuses or taking selfies to post or doing all of the above concurrently. Word on the street is, if you didn’t capture it then it didn’t happen. These are the streets of Technology where you are known by your handle, where you follow people and speak the right language, using #hashtags such as #Instalove, #Chooseday and #ThrowBackThursday just to name a few. Also, you’ve got know the latest trends. Apps such as Instagram, Twitter, WhatsApp, Linkedln, Pinterest, Tinder, YouTube may seem similar but each is distinctive and serves a different purpose. The Twitter streets of Mzansi have a reputation, just ask the couples from Our Perfect Wedding (OPW) or check out @MzansiMeMes.

Technology and I have had an on again off again relationship for years. I’ve told him that I don’t need him in my life and I can do without him. He never lies to me and promises to change. He never begs me to stay. He is confident that sooner rather than later I will come back and he never turns me back when I do. To his many lovers, he has become as essential as the air that they breathe while I find him exasperating. The idea of people always wanting to keep up with the Joneses who are also trying to keep up with others seems like such an effort. My friend Masabu says the church has brainwashed us as we’re only preached to and not provided with the relevant knowledge for the times we are living in. I need to be unchurched she says. Could that be it?

Disclaimer, people are losing the significance of human interaction. A word of caution, Technology with all his cute emoji, will never sit besides you or hold your hand. As Albert Einstein predicted, I mean quoted, “I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The whole world will have a generation of idiots.” Moreover, when you spend time with Technology, he always takes something away from you. Ever heard yourself say, “I was online, next thing I knew it was after midnight and I really wanted to sleep early yesterday.”